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Translated from Russian by Faye Kitariev, M.A.

Have you ever wondered why you feel so drained after spending time with some people? How certain situations energize you and others deflate you? How you may feel manipulated, provoked, taken advantage of? Ever heard of Energy Vampires?
As a high performer and High Performance Coach, the subject of energy is probably one of the most important ones to me. As you can imagine, without energy, there is no performance!
If you are looking to create a life full of meaning, joy, and fulfillment, you can’t ignore what you will read here. I found this subject and article so important that I took a few weeks to translate it. Enjoy!

Coach Faye Kitariev, M.A.

We always think that “vampires” are people different from us. They may be friends, relatives, or colleagues. However, WE are certainly not “vampires,” because we are good and kind. But they are the ones who want to suck our energy.

Let’s look at the fundamentals of energetics and it’s laws. Otherwise, I am afraid that we’ll slide into thinking of our superiority. This thinking can lead to more problems and our degradation.

So, who are the energy vampires?

They are people with low personal energy, which is caused by the presence of destructive internal programs or wounds. In a sense, these programs don’t allow them to accumulate their power. “Vampires” feed on a particular type of energy, mostly negative. They trigger people to become overly emotional, and that is exactly what vampires want. Once they “suck up” this energy, they feel strong and satisfied.

So, here is the first conjecture unknown to most people. One can only “suck” energy from another “vampire.” When a person lives a self-sufficient life, doesn’t depend on anyone emotionally and keeps his inner core intact, then he is virtually immune to “vampire’s” efforts. If someone does “drink” your energy, that means you too periodically “drink” someone else’s.

How is it possible to take someone’s energy?

One of the most common ways for a “vampire” “to get his “food” is to provoke someone to feel negative emotions. This can be easily accomplished by talking about some crisis, difficult situation in the country, or tell your girlfriend that she gained weight and looks bad, or perhaps share the “truth” about the infidelity of her boyfriend, etc….It’s not that difficult to overload a person with negativity, make him feel sad, overwhelmed, or frustrated. This is the first tier of vampirism, an appetizer of sorts.

To reach the second tier requires bringing a man to a state of very strong emotions, such as fear, panic, anxiety, tears, anger, rage, nervous breakdown, psychosis, and wild aggression. Once achieved, the provocateur will tell his victim in a quiet voice, “You are overreacting, it’s no big deal?” One can say that this level is akin a decent “entree with a side dish.”

There are “vampires” who feed on enormous amounts of energy released during controversy or provocation. These “vampires” love driving a wedge between loved ones: employing intrigue, sly hints and provoking scandals. Some women love breaking up families. This mostly happens unconsciously. As soon as she wins a man from his relationship and creates scandals, pain, and suffering, she loses interest in this man by realizing that “he is not for me.” She can then go on for some time living off this negative energy until she crashes. Then she starts a new cycle with another victim.

“Vampirism” is like a “sport.” A woman or a man is demanding or fighting for attention and strong emotions from the opposite sex, then as soon as she gets what she wants, she splits away. Naturally, after this break-up, her ex-partner is experiencing strong, painful emotions that she is “feeding” on for a long time. This is like “all-you-can-eat buffet” for her.

Another type of vampirism is a provocative behavior or appearance. One can recognize it when this behavior causes a lot of emotion in others. This kind of vampire is narcissistic and derives his/her energy using appearance and vulgarity. Examples would include, bright clothing, chains, excessive makeup, slang, foul language, loud laughter, look askance or fashionable pretentiousness.

Feeling sorry for yourself and triggering others to feel sorry for you is also a way of feeding on other’s energy. Usually, these people complain about life, dramatize things, and portray their life as full of pain and suffering.Those who fall into their play, start feeling sorry for the “victim”- become “victims” themselves and lose energy. It is not advisable to pity or sympathize anyone. Empathy and compassion are excellent, but pity is feeding weakness instead of strength and doesn’t serve anyone.

Guilt. Well, let’s face it, we are all masters of creating guilt. Making someone feel guilty is like building an energy bridge, through which guilty victim will feed you with their energy.

Rescuer Syndrome. Oddly enough, this is also a way to get energy-nourished, although in a seemingly noble way. Rescuers are always eager to help someone, even though wounds and resentments cover them all over! They love lecturing others in the proper way of living, give out books and a piece of their mind. If one of their victims does decide to change and begins to grow, the rescuer gets part of their realized energy.

Therefore, one can say that a “rescuer” is also an energy “vampire,” since in the process of “rescuing,” he receives massive amounts of energy. As a result many get hooked on this behavior, so much so, that they dedicate their lives to saving others, often inappropriately and unsolicitedly.

“Vampires” are not usually aware of their behavior and many manipulations crank unconsciously. They don’t think, “Now, once Janine starts crying, I’ll feel better!” They think differently: “I must tell Janine the truth about her overweight issue!”.

Why do we become vampires? Why do we suck other’s energy?

Often, we take energy from others, because of massive energetic holes we, ourselves, have through which we lose our vital energy. There are many vortexes (holes, wounds) where our energy disappears. All of these vortexes are destructive. Here are some of the examples:

stressing out about stuff
habitual judging of oneself and others
small talk
living in the past or worrying about future
trying to please others.

All of above consume our focus and energy from living in the present. To feel better, we have a couple of choices: attend seminars and workshops that help us recharge our “batteries” or suck the energy out of others.

How can I know if I, myself, am a vampire?

It’s possible to realize that you are a vampire when you become aware of your emotional dependence on other people or events, or when you start falling apart in the absence of certain emotions in your life.
For example, when you feel the emptiness or loneliness and experience an unstoppable need to call your friend and share with her how badly you are feeling.
Or perhaps, you are feeling a lack of energy, but thinking: “I have not had a relationship in a long time, I need a man.”
Sometimes you feel the lack of vitality, feeling down, and you start provoking a scandal out of nowhere, triggering a strong emotional response in your family members.
Or maybe you are feeling an irresistible urge to tell somebody “the truth.”
When you think it’s necessary and important to discuss someone, judge him and his activities in the negative light.

It’s important to note that after terrible scandals, vampire feels uplifted and energized. Disturbing events do not exhaust a vampire. In fact, on the contrary, he feels empowered and begins helping others.

Tracing your habit of vampirism is easy. In the examples below see if you can relate to any of them:
You are sharing “some essential truth” about someone, and your partner says: “Let’s not talk about it. I think it’s a bad idea!” You are feeling offended, sad and off-balance. Reason: you, as a vampire, were not given an opportunity to fill up with negativity.
When you are telling something cumbersome and soul-wrenching, yet your companion seems disinterested and unemotional, it is clear that your manipulation of his emotions fell through. In this case, the vampire gets furious! Often this irritation comes up unconsciously, and the vampire himself can not understand why he/she is so angry.

Why is it so important to give up a role of a vampire?

The way of the vampire – is a way of co-dependence and disempowerment. It is a way to feeling ever-growing inner emptiness, which needs more victims and scandals. Vampires are prisoners of emotional dependency on others, and they are rarely prosperous and happy. Vampires mostly live in constant fear because of lack of inner resources to create abundance and prosperity.

Choosing the way of a vampire – means giving up on personal growth and development, although, that is the purpose of our existence on this planet.

It is critical becoming aware of your intentions in this lifetime!

Note, that “vampires” always feed their donors, so they love mingling in other people’s business. They like to think, analyze, and discuss the lives of others, pay attention to what’s going on out there. People that are self-sufficient and healthy are focused on themselves and manifestations of their intentions, desires, and purposes. Only a small fraction of their attention goes to building relationships with other people and on something else, other than the realization of their ideas.


If you recognized yourself in any of these examples and had the courage to take responsibility for a destructive behavioral pattern, you just took a significant step towards expanding your awareness. This is necessary to heal yourself of the behavior that is nor longer serving you or the world.

Now, I invite you to take a look at your life and see where do you lose your energy and vitality? Make a conscious decision to abstain from condemnation, judging, gossiping, righteousness, worry, anxiety, and haste.

Forgive your past and let it go. Let go of people that you are allowing to destroy you and your life …

Over time, you will restore your wholeness, and you will no longer be interested in being a vampire, nor will you be a victim of another vampire. You will earn your freedom and fulfillment! Your focus will become confident and abundant.

Once you have attained a sense of inner wholeness in your life, you will experience the manifestation of your desires and the joy of meeting new and kind people.

Julia Sudakova

Did you relate to some examples in this article, feel as if it was written specifically for you, and are looking for tools to heal the wounds (vortexes) through which you are losing your energy? I want to hear from you. Send your comments, questions, or requests for consultation here. Put “How we take and lose energy” in the subject line.

Coach Faye.


  1. Faye Kitariev  December 24, 2016

    Thank you! 🙂

  2. Dr. Glenn  September 20, 2016

    Enlightening article! Thank you.