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Translated from Russian by Faye Kitariev, M.A.

Have you ever wondered why you feel so drained after spending time with some people? How certain situations energize you and others deflate you? How you may feel manipulated, provoked, taken advantage of? Ever heard of Energy Vampires?
As a high performer and High Performance Coach, the subject of energy is probably one of the most important ones to me. As you can imagine, without energy, there is no performance!
If you are looking to create a life full of meaning, joy, and fulfillment, you can’t ignore what you will read here. I found this subject and article so important that I took a few weeks to translate it. Enjoy!

Coach Faye Kitariev, M.A.

We always think that “vampires” are people different from us. They may be friends, relatives, or colleagues. However, WE are certainly not “vampires,” because we are good and kind. But they are the ones who want to suck our energy.

Let’s look at the fundamentals of energetics and it’s laws. Otherwise, I am afraid that we’ll slide into thinking of our superiority. This thinking can lead to more problems and our degradation.

So, who are the energy vampires?

They are people with low personal energy, which is caused by the presence of destructive internal programs or wounds. In a sense, these programs don’t allow them to accumulate their power. “Vampires” feed on a particular type of energy, mostly negative. They trigger people to become overly emotional, and that is exactly what vampires want. Once they “suck up” this energy, they feel strong and satisfied.

So, here is the first conjecture unknown to most people. One can only “suck” energy from another “vampire.” When a person lives a self-sufficient life, doesn’t depend on anyone emotionally and keeps his inner core intact, then he is virtually immune to “vampire’s” efforts. If someone does “drink” your energy, that means you too periodically “drink” someone else’s.

How is it possible to take someone’s energy?

One of the most common ways for a “vampire” “to get his “food” is to provoke someone to feel negative emotions. This can be easily accomplished by talking about some crisis, difficult situation in the country, or tell your girlfriend that she gained weight and looks bad, or perhaps share the “truth” about the infidelity of her boyfriend, etc….It’s not that difficult to overload a person with negativity, make him feel sad, overwhelmed, or frustrated. This is the first tier of vampirism, an appetizer of sorts.

To reach the second tier requires bringing a man to a state of very strong emotions, such as fear, panic, anxiety, tears, anger, rage, nervous breakdown, psychosis, and wild aggression. Once achieved, the provocateur will tell his victim in a quiet voice, “You are overreacting, it’s no big deal?” One can say that this level is akin a decent “entree with a side dish.”

There are “vampires” who feed on enormous amounts of energy released during controversy or provocation. These “vampires” love driving a wedge between loved ones: employing intrigue, sly hints and provoking scandals. Some women love breaking up families. This mostly happens unconsciously. As soon as she wins a man from his relationship and creates scandals, pain, and suffering, she loses interest in this man by realizing that “he is not for me.” She can then go on for some time living off this negative energy until she crashes. Then she starts a new cycle with another victim.

“Vampirism” is like a “sport.” A woman or a man is demanding or fighting for attention and strong emotions from the opposite sex, then as soon as she gets what she wants, she splits away. Naturally, after this break-up, her ex-partner is experiencing strong, painful emotions that she is “feeding” on for a long time. This is like “all-you-can-eat buffet” for her.

Another type of vampirism is a provocative behavior or appearance. One can recognize it when this behavior causes a lot of emotion in others. This kind of vampire is narcissistic and derives his/her energy using appearance and vulgarity. Examples would include, bright clothing, chains, excessive makeup, slang, foul language, loud laughter, look askance or fashionable pretentiousness.

Feeling sorry for yourself and triggering others to feel sorry for you is also a way of feeding on other’s energy. Usually, these people complain about life, dramatize things, and portray their life as full of pain and suffering.Those who fall into their play, start feeling sorry for the “victim”- become “victims” themselves and lose energy. It is not advisable to pity or sympathize anyone. Empathy and compassion are excellent, but pity is feeding weakness instead of strength and doesn’t serve anyone.

Guilt. Well, let’s face it, we are all masters of creating guilt. Making someone feel guilty is like building an energy bridge, through which guilty victim will feed you with their energy.

Rescuer Syndrome. Oddly enough, this is also a way to get energy-nourished, although in a seemingly noble way. Rescuers are always eager to help someone, even though wounds and resentments cover them all over! They love lecturing others in the proper way of living, give out books and a piece of their mind. If one of their victims does decide to change and begins to grow, the rescuer gets part of their realized energy.

Therefore, one can say that a “rescuer” is also an energy “vampire,” since in the process of “rescuing,” he receives massive amounts of energy. As a result many get hooked on this behavior, so much so, that they dedicate their lives to saving others, often inappropriately and unsolicitedly.

“Vampires” are not usually aware of their behavior and many manipulations crank unconsciously. They don’t think, “Now, once Janine starts crying, I’ll feel better!” They think differently: “I must tell Janine the truth about her overweight issue!”.

Why do we become vampires? Why do we suck other’s energy?

Often, we take energy from others, because of massive energetic holes we, ourselves, have through which we lose our vital energy. There are many vortexes (holes, wounds) where our energy disappears. All of these vortexes are destructive. Here are some of the examples:


stressing out about stuff
habitual judging of oneself and others
righteousness
gossiping
small talk
haste
living in the past or worrying about future
trying to please others.


All of above consume our focus and energy from living in the present. To feel better, we have a couple of choices: attend seminars and workshops that help us recharge our “batteries” or suck the energy out of others.

How can I know if I, myself, am a vampire?

It’s possible to realize that you are a vampire when you become aware of your emotional dependence on other people or events, or when you start falling apart in the absence of certain emotions in your life.
For example, when you feel the emptiness or loneliness and experience an unstoppable need to call your friend and share with her how badly you are feeling.
Or perhaps, you are feeling a lack of energy, but thinking: “I have not had a relationship in a long time, I need a man.”
Sometimes you feel the lack of vitality, feeling down, and you start provoking a scandal out of nowhere, triggering a strong emotional response in your family members.
Or maybe you are feeling an irresistible urge to tell somebody “the truth.”
When you think it’s necessary and important to discuss someone, judge him and his activities in the negative light.

It’s important to note that after terrible scandals, vampire feels uplifted and energized. Disturbing events do not exhaust a vampire. In fact, on the contrary, he feels empowered and begins helping others.

Tracing your habit of vampirism is easy. In the examples below see if you can relate to any of them:
You are sharing “some essential truth” about someone, and your partner says: “Let’s not talk about it. I think it’s a bad idea!” You are feeling offended, sad and off-balance. Reason: you, as a vampire, were not given an opportunity to fill up with negativity.
When you are telling something cumbersome and soul-wrenching, yet your companion seems disinterested and unemotional, it is clear that your manipulation of his emotions fell through. In this case, the vampire gets furious! Often this irritation comes up unconsciously, and the vampire himself can not understand why he/she is so angry.

Why is it so important to give up a role of a vampire?

The way of the vampire – is a way of co-dependence and disempowerment. It is a way to feeling ever-growing inner emptiness, which needs more victims and scandals. Vampires are prisoners of emotional dependency on others, and they are rarely prosperous and happy. Vampires mostly live in constant fear because of lack of inner resources to create abundance and prosperity.

Choosing the way of a vampire – means giving up on personal growth and development, although, that is the purpose of our existence on this planet.

It is critical becoming aware of your intentions in this lifetime!

Note, that “vampires” always feed their donors, so they love mingling in other people’s business. They like to think, analyze, and discuss the lives of others, pay attention to what’s going on out there. People that are self-sufficient and healthy are focused on themselves and manifestations of their intentions, desires, and purposes. Only a small fraction of their attention goes to building relationships with other people and on something else, other than the realization of their ideas.

Conclusion

If you recognized yourself in any of these examples and had the courage to take responsibility for a destructive behavioral pattern, you just took a significant step towards expanding your awareness. This is necessary to heal yourself of the behavior that is nor longer serving you or the world.

Now, I invite you to take a look at your life and see where do you lose your energy and vitality? Make a conscious decision to abstain from condemnation, judging, gossiping, righteousness, worry, anxiety, and haste.

Forgive your past and let it go. Let go of people that you are allowing to destroy you and your life …

Over time, you will restore your wholeness, and you will no longer be interested in being a vampire, nor will you be a victim of another vampire. You will earn your freedom and fulfillment! Your focus will become confident and abundant.

Once you have attained a sense of inner wholeness in your life, you will experience the manifestation of your desires and the joy of meeting new and kind people.

Julia Sudakova

Did you relate to some examples in this article, feel as if it was written specifically for you, and are looking for tools to heal the wounds (vortexes) through which you are losing your energy? I want to hear from you. Send your comments, questions, or requests for consultation here. Put “How we take and lose energy” in the subject line.

Coach Faye.

It begins with a little snooze…

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4:15 am. My alarm goes off. Time to jump out of bed, but, wait… “You only got four hours of sleep” my mind reminds me. “You don’t have to force yourself, just 5 more minutes…You have plenty of time. You can still do everything you scheduled!”

Sounds very convincing and true. And like a puppet on a string my hand hits the snooze button…

I hug my blanket a little tighter and enjoy few more minutes of sleep. Then a few more… It’s no harm… Finally I get up at 4:33 feeling groggy and still tired. Snoozing didn’t help me to feel any better. In fact, it made me feel worse. For most people’s standards 4:33 am is still very early. For me too. Yet I made a decision to begin my day before sunrise, exactly at 4:15 am. And with FIRST alarm! A commitment. And I failed…

I am a Certified High Performance Coach – more so Performance Mastery Coach. There is a subtle difference between these titles. High Performance is more about the physical aspect of life, something visible and doable. You can see the results of your labor. Performance Mastery, on the other hand, is more about mastering the unseen, the mind. This is where we start our conversation about “potential.” Human potential lies in the world of the “unseen”, like the invisible body of an iceberg hidden beneath the water surface.

What does “snooze” have to do with potential?

EVERYTHING!

I remember the day vividly. I was in my meditation when I almost heard the voice. “You want to become the Master? Begin with your wake-up time. Master the “wake-up.”

WOW!!! I was a “snooze queen” for years. No. More like for a lifetime! Mornings were my hardest time of the day. I guess people would call me a “night owl.” But it wasn’t serving me. I had to change. I wanted to change. I was tired of being late everywhere and putting off for later things that were difficult for me. I was feeling intensely jealous of all those people that were organized, on time, productive, and early risers. Sure, I had many beautiful qualities within me too. And I was successful. But I really wanted those qualities “they” had: impeccability, strength of heart, discipline.

I watched my best friend become a World Bronze Medalist in figure skating because she had that ability to do the “difficult.” Everyday I would wake up after 3-4 snoozes telling myself, “This this is the last time.” “Tomorrow I will start new life.” I didn’t see that “tomorrow” is a “snooze” on today! I didn’t see that extra piece of chocolate, or bread, or order of french fries was a “snooze” on my health, on my body. On my Self.

On my LIFE!

Mastering the “wake-up” is not about getting up at 4:15 am every morning. It’s not about having an early start for the day. It’s not about time at all.

It’s about conquering your mind. It’s about awareness. It’s about transformation. You must have heard the phrase, “Mind over matter.” It is true. Your mind rules over your body. However, you are not your mind. If your mind becomes your master you are doomed!

An untrained mind is like an untrained dog. It loves you. But it chews your furniture, poops in the corners of your house, and pees on the carpet. It rationalizes that it’s OK just this one time… then one more. Then one more. Until it becomes a very powerful habit that is very difficult to break. “Your habits create YOU!” my spiritual teacher would say. It took me a while to really grasp this idea, to make it my own! The truth is, it’s not about “mind over matter.” It’s about YOU over mind, then mind over matter.

Where in your life are you “snoozing”? How would your life improve if “snoozing” was no longer an option? How would your life turn around if you learned the techniques of mastering your mind?

Imagine for a moment what would happen to the top of an iceberg if you started transforming the part under water?

Think further… What would its impact be on the ocean? Earth? Atmosphere? Solar system? Universe? One ripple in the water changes the world. One “iceberg” that no longer snoozes does far more. That’s the power of transforming the mind.

Are you ready to make a change?

Contact me to find out how you could work with me on changing your life by training your mind.

Stark-naked

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Hands typing on a laptop

June 25, 2014: My book became #1 bestseller on Amazon, in four different categories. Sounds good, right? But what you couldn’t see is a person, sitting behind the computer, stark-naked, without breakfast, lunch, dinner, writing and sending texts and emails. I sure have learned a lot that day. I’ve learned what it takes not only to write the book but to promote, market, ask, persuade and be humble.

Some people would get excited and write back and congratulate. Others would not respond, yet others would be upset for being “harassed”. But I’ve learned to just keep going and promote, market, ask, persuade and be humble. It wasn’t easy. When people don’t respond, you can’t take it personally. After all, it’s about taking risks, it’s about perseverance, it’s about doing the leg work no matter what! It’s about a stubborn belief that in the end hard work will pay off. That day it did! And it did work so many times before, when I trained my students for competitions. Their results were a true testimonial to the work behind the curtains we’ve put in.
I can’t tell you how many times friends, peers, family members would tell me: “just stop it already, it won’t work!” But I couldn’t believe that that kind of work will not pay off. Besides, I had fun doing it! There was a meaning and purpose behind it. Maybe not everyone could understand that.
Today I have a different event coming up, and I have to use the same tactics that I’ve learned on June 25, 2014. Stark-naked, behind the computer screen, hours and hours, sending text and email invitations to friends, family, clients for my event “The Path to Unstoppable YOU”.
Dreams do come true. I know that, because mine have! Now that they have, people want to know how did my overnight success happen? Would you like to know how? Come to the introduction evening on Tuesday, March 17. Click here 

Dealing With Painful Emotions

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Facebook. I am on it again. I can’t remember how I got there. I was writing intentions, meditating…suddenly I am on Facebook… I can’t even tell how long was I on it, two minutes? five? ten? Why am I here, what am I looking for? Back to writing and meditation. Intention. I intend to catch that pesky thought or emotion that gets me off track each time, and sets me off to check an email, Facebook, text message and whatever else might have come through the cyber space. I know, the message I am waiting for (if it’s there) won’t disappear if I wait, if I appoint specific time to check it, and give specified amount of minutes to spend. The problem is, I am unaware of getting there to begin with, like a drunk wondering when he took that first drink of the evening, and how many has it been?

Emotions are brewing inside of my body varying from hi tides to low, from enthusiasm and inspiration to depression and despair. It’s exhausting! I love feeling the former, and seek for refuge from latter. My ex-husband asked for divorce two days after he told me that he will love me for the rest of his life. My super successful, accomplished student left after the performance of her life and the careers high. My boyfriend broke up the most amazing relationship ever. Things are going well…I am terrified…. Are all of these my patterns? Lessons I need to learn? Did I do something to sabotage great things? Am I about to sabotage the amazing stuff from unfolding? What gets people to quit when things are going well? Why do we do that?

I feel bad. My stomach is flipping. “Stop! Stop flipping!” I want to yell, I want the discomfort to go away, I want someone to help me to take it away. I know it’s the thought that I heard, “He will leave, he is not going to respond…you won’t get that job….they’ll change their mind…” and there goes next round of checking the e-mails… If only I get the response that everything is good, than I will feel better….Until….

I suddenly realized, that my worry is about what he or they are thinking… “Doesn’t he miss me as much as I miss him? Doesn’t he think what I think? What does he think about? Did I do okay? Did I say something they didn’t like?”
My stomach doesn’t respond kindly to these thoughts. What am I doing in his business anyway?
Do I really care about how he feels or what he thinks? Honestly, all I want is for discomfort in my stomach, or the pain in my heart to go away! That’s what I want. It’s just that I have attached my pain to him, and as long as its attached to him I will be in pain, because no longer I have control over it.

My student left. “Why?”  “I am a bad teacher.” That makes sense. Right? But it doesn’t. I am not a bad teacher. I am an amazing teacher, one of the best in the world. “Then why did they leave you? It must be you, you are not good enough, you did something wrong,” asks all logical mind.

I ask my clients to do a very simple homework—go to a public place, lie down on the floor, count to ten, get up and leave. Anyone can do that. It doesn’t require special skills or knowledge, it’s not dangerous, it doesn’t threaten one’s life, there is no risk of injury. However, they find this homework crazy challenging. Most of us are more afraid of what people will think of us, than anything else in the world! The most interesting thing I found about this, is that we already ‘know’ what people will think of us ahead of time. However, those of my clients who summoned the courage to do the exercise have discovered how erroneous their thoughts were. The truth is, NO ONE CARED about them laying down on the floor! No one cares about what you think and feel, even when they say they love you! What they really are saying is the emotion they are experiencing! It’s not about you, it’s about them. Since they are experiencing that emotion around you, you must be the cause. Everyone is concerned with their own emotions. I am at peace, or am I off balance? If I am off-balance I must do whatever it takes to get back. If I think that you are the cause of my bad feelings, then I must make you change, or at the very least blame you for my suffering. We don’t even notice how we generate these feelings!

So, people leave, break up, quit and lie…. Why? Because they do. It has nothing to do with you. I stopped going to Aikido, Tai Chi and Kundalini Yoga classes. I loved my teachers, I loved their classes, I loved how they made me feel, I was learning and getting better each time. I was never bored, and looked forward to going. Yet, I stopped. It’s been almost two years since I stopped, and I miss it still. Then why did I stop? I can’t even remember, but I am sure I had a reason at a time, and that reason had nothing to do with my teachers or their classes. It had everything to do with my emotions and thoughts at a time.

Perhaps, we can’t handle too much of feeling good just as we can’t handle too much of feeling bad. We like to experience the balance between two—not too high, not too low. When we reach the threshold of good, we feel enormous fear or worry, or suddenly we remember that last time when it was good. Remember that day? Everything crashed! “I can’t have that happen again, so I find a reason why I must run away now…. “

Awareness is a good thing. I can sit and analyze my emotions. Finally, I am off Facebook, so I can examine what I feel, why I feel it, and I can just accept those feelings. There is nothing to do, no where to run, just allow, experience, accept, and love yourself. And as you do, you find yourself capable of withstanding higher vibrations, your system becomes more capable of joy, love, happiness. You’ll find yourself reaching new highs, but it’s the lows that are strengthening you, strengthening your nervous system, like the weights that assist us with strengthening of our bodies….

Robin Williams

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Yesterday one of my favorite actors–Robin Williams, took his life. For a moment, as I read the article, I sat motionless, dumbfounded. “Did it really happen? Why?” As I thought more deeply about this, I realized, as shocking as it is, that now he is just a number, a statistics. Almost 3000 people die daily of the suicides, and this number doesn’t include the ones who have attempted to take their lives, but didn’t succeed. Robin Williams is only different in that, that he is a celebrity. In a way, his act of willful departure from the physical world raised our awareness to a global problem we are facing. The daunting statistics is such that more people die of suicide than AIDS or even car accidents!!!

My dad was killed in a car accident. My mother was in the car with him, she survived. They had an argument, when their car lost control on the freeway. In a hushed voice my mother was contemplating with me if he orchestrated the whole thing. My dad was depressed, financially stressed, and over 50. The truth will never be found, but he certainly met the suicidal criteria…

Williams was suffering from drug and alcohol abuse, perhaps, he was just suffering. Period! While reading the article the following paragraph had drawn my attention:

“The actor spent time on a Hazelden campus in Oregon in 2006. He later explained that drinking had gradually become a problem again after 20 years of sobriety.
“You’re standing at a precipice and you look down, there’s a voice and it’s a little quiet voice that goes, ‘Jump,’” the “Mrs. Doubtfire” star told ABC News in October of that year. “The same voice that goes, ‘Just one.’ …

“The same voice that goes, ‘Just one.’…. It is this voice that  sabotages everything! It is this voice that makes us  procrastinate. It is this voice that makes us overeat. It is this voice that can turn sweet and kind to persuade you into it’s losing game. It is this voice that will criticise you to no end in the worst kind of way. It is this voice that we choose to believe and follow like puppets on the strings. It is this voice that would convince you to cut the strings and take your own life….

And now imagine you are no longer listening to this voice. You’ve learned to recognize it for what it is. You’ve learned to hear it and dismiss it. You’ve learned to master your game, and put this voice into the passenger’s seat! You’ve learned to take charge of your life!

I don’t want to sugarcoat anything. To win over voice takes practice, takes discipline! When I coach my clients, I share with them what it takes to develop that inner core, inner strength that will carry you through the most difficult situations. I ask my clients to recite this mantra  ‘Your habits create YOU’, ‘Your habits create YOU’, ‘Your habits create YOU’. We create new habits, new rituals, new practice, new YOU. It has to become intentional, focused, directed, like a perfectly landscaped garden, that  always needs to be maintained. You can’t walk away from it and hope it’ll stay perfect forever. Inevitably, abandoned, it will grow weeds.

What is your practice, ritual? Would love to hear your thoughts and comments. Please share below.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall….

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10645096_10152659933964547_5353767089466624364_nI was standing in front of the mirror in the dressing room in the upscale department store, looking at the reflection of the pretty, fit and lean brunette in a beautiful cocktail dress. She turned right and left in front of the mirror, trying to find the usual flaws in her appearance. The mirror was true to itself and continued reflecting back an attractive body standing in front of it. I was surprised, because only couple of hours ago in a different mirror this very same body didn’t look as lean. In another mirror the image was that of a shorter, stockier body, not the one I so wanted to see…. I turned around again…. Sigh…. It downed on me that perhaps a store was using ‘skinny’ mirrors. People would look thinner and more attractive to themselves in their mirrors, and would purchase more clothes.
I walked out without a dress. I didn’t trust the mirror there to buy this dress. How often would I buy something that looked so good on me at the store, but looked awful at home!.. Then it downed on me… How can I possibly know the truth? Which mirror is saying the truth? The skinny one or the fat one? The reflection in the mirror is just that! A reflection! An Illusion! Neither one is truth! How many unhealthy decisions are made daily by thousands….millions?!?! of women based on believing this reflection, which is being seen through the filters of our perception of ourselves? The perceptions and expectations of the society? The perceptions and beliefs of our unworthiness? How often did I avoid looking at this mirror avoiding being disappointed in myself…. Ladies!!!! This mirror thing is NOT a true representation of who you are, or even what you look like! You are magnificent, gorgeous, amazing beings! Worthy of love and appreciation! Worthy of adoration! You are a miracle! and so am I!
I love you all!!!

Traffic Ticket Lesson

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The police lights were flashing behind me.
“Shoot! What’s now?” I silently swore as I was pulling towards the curb. Second ticket in a week! What’s going on? I haven’t had tickets in 15 years!!! And this week – two!?! I was driving on the small suburban street, I didn’t text and I didn’t speed. I was in a hurry, though, to get to a networking event, wishing very much to be there on time — to set an example of honoring commitments. But it won’t happen today! It won’t happen, because I wasn’t self-aware, wasn’t in the moment, wasn’t focused and present.

I was sitting in a car waiting for the officer to approach me. A vision of a few unfortunate events of the recent past flashed through my mind. Feelings of intense sadness overcame me. I started sobbing feeling sorry for myself. Something was going on in my body; it urinated blood for a couple of days, I felt tired and bloated, scared too. My divorce just kicked in, and I was loosing my medical insurance and had to find and pay for a car insurance also … and now … another ticket!!! The officer bend over to bark out the contents of my offense. Stop sign!
“Lady, officer X. Did you see a Stop Sign?”
“Yes, officer, I did see it, and I believe I stopped!” I mumbled. I remembered slowing down at intersection. There was another car, coming from my left, but I was determined to be first! So I was, but not for long… I wasn’t fully conscious of what happened. I was thinking ahead, thinking of what I was going to say, rehearsing conversations with people at the event in my head… Now this conversation came to an abrupt end. I heard a small voice coming out of my mouth telling officer how I was dying being sick, having no money and going through divorce. Tears rolling down my cheeks confirmed authenticity of my victim’s story. The success of this operation depended on the softness of the officer’s heart, and his decision not to give me a ticket. He was sweet, empathetic and kind. Good man. He bought into my story, and felt sorry for me. He still gave me a well-deserved ticket.

I entered the freeway. Ticket was thrown on the passenger’s seat, with my coming-to-an-end-insurance and registration, the last documents of my married life. It was hard to see freeway through the eyes filled with water. But I wasn’t crying for my divorce, money, or health issues, not even for a ticket. I was crying in embarrassment of myself, for being weak, and for playing a victim. Every day I wake up, I do my morning ritual, work out, and set an intention of living my day as a world-class speaker, coach and a bestselling author. To be an inspiration to myself and others, to take responsibility for my feelings and actions. Every day I vow to set an example, to be my best Self! Everyday I push some limit! But now there was nothing inspiring about me. I was embarrassed by my little self hiding behind the excuses. I didn’t feel any empathy for a little girl who was afraid to be punished, who was caught doing something wrong, who was trying to protect herself by blaming the events of her life. I was angry with her, because she rubbed me of my confidence, rubbed me of my self-worth, my power… I was angry with my self … for giving my power away…

I am a bad girl… I ruined my mother’s confidence, my mother’s self-worth … shuttered my mother’s dreams … broke my mother’s heart….

…Mic in my hands. My voice comes out clear and strong. My posture is confident and powerful. Years of practice and training. My body knows how to take a stand. I speak of empowerment and inspiration. It’s a success. No one seems to notice what an incongruent liar I am. Back in my car, tormented by my emotions I can reflect on my feelings, judgements and beliefs, find the blocks and the issues to be healed.
Suddenly, in my minds eye I see a world-class skater making a gross mistake in the beginning of her program. It’s a crucial moment.
She can choose to decide that she is no longer a world-class athlete.
She can choose to decide that she is a loser who does not deserve to continue staying in competition.
Or she can choose to regroup and rebound, making the best of each moment that comes now, that comes next!
She can choose to see herself as a winner overcoming an obstacle.
Or she can choose to see herself as a lying impostor who didn’t deserve to have any success after making a mistake….
Here lies a lesson of humility, self-love and self-appreciation….

I saw the scared little one again. She was seven, cute, with this funky looking haircut, and the swollen red eyes….She was expecting the thunderous punishment for her behavior. She had to carry the burden of her mother’s self-worth on her shoulders…. “Sweetie, it’s not true that you are unworthy, or responsible for my worthiness! It’s not true! You are so beautiful, and strong, and I am proud of you! I hear how scared you were, and I get it! It’s okay. We learn and grow. And this is another opportunity for us! I am so proud of you for not giving up, and showing up, and doing your best! I am your biggest fan! I promise you to stand by your side every time you make mistakes, and every time you win! From now on, lets be a part of the same team!” I imagined holding her in my arms. She looked up at me and asked, “Could you share this story with others, maybe there is someone else out there who is struggling through the same issue…”